Wednesday, August 11, 2010


"You have a lesion in your midbrain." I was sitting in the neurologist's office and someone was finally telling me something-but not everything. They could not determine the nature of the lesion, so they wanted another MRI and a spinal tap. I wished she would stop talking and leave the room so I could remove the wads of tissue from under my arms and install fresh ones. SPINAL TAP!! Dear Lord, I refuse to ever have another spinal tap again. Amen. I'm not even going to discuss it.

I am calling this post "Trapped", because I was feeling trapped in several ways. Trapped in a body that wouldn't work right. Trapped in my home because I could not drive. And for one long and terrible hour, trapped in that wretched MRI machine. There was, however, an upside to all this. I had plenty of time to read and pray. I was hungry to read everything I could get my hands on about healing.

So, I strapped on my eye patch and went to town. I read many testimonies about people getting healed. Very encouraging. I read many teaching books about the doctrine of divine healing. Very helpful. But the best thing I ever did was go through the entire Bible and read any and every scripture or passage pertaining to healing. I read them, thought about them, spoke them out loud and prayed them. And guess what? My faith started to get bigger. Which should come as no surprise, because "Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ" (Romans 10:17).

Now, back to this wretched MRI. My first one was a piece of cake. It took pictures of my brain only and was relatively short. This one, though-this was a whole new ballgame. They wanted pictures of my brain and cervical spine. So, I got suited up, strapped down, head in cage, device sitting on chest, earplugs in, and into the tiny noisy tunnel I went. Everything was fine until the technician told me to try not to breathe while the machine was taking pictures. Try not to breathe? That's like telling your kids not to laugh in church. Suddenly everything becomes hilariously funny. Telling me not to breathe only increased my need for oxygen. And the piece of equipment sitting on top of my chest suddenly felt much heavier than it had at first. But I had to do this. I must be still as a statue or the pictures would not turn out, and I would have to do them again. I did not want to spend even one extra minute in that place.

My nose itched. I was starting to sweat. I wanted to take a deep breath. I wanted to shift my weight. I needed to yawn. I wanted to pick up the big giant piece of lead on my chest, throw it across the room, break out of my straps like a super hero and fly out of that room with my hospital gown flapping in the breeze. Never to return again. What was this? The back of my skull was starting to burn. I had a spot back there that felt like a hot, searing rod was being pressed against my head.  I had to get out of there. And so I did, in a manner of speaking.

I went to that place. Have you ever been there? Under God's wings? "...and under His wings you will find refuge" (from Psalm 91). I love it there. I started to think about Jesus. This day just happened to be Good Friday, so I was thinking about Jesus in the tomb and me in this machine. I was thinking of all He suffered for me and how He rose again! I knew that there were people praying for me at this very moment, and I could see them standing around the MRI machine holding hands and surrounding me. And all those Scriptures I had been reading and studying came back to me. So to the backdrop of the rhythmic tapping and thumping noises of the MRI, I heard things like, "Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits-who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases..." (from Psalm 103) and "He sent forth his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave" (from Psalm 107) and "But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall" (from Malachi 4).

The technician's voice brought me back when he said, "Okay, you did a great we'll do it all again with the contrast dye this time." And so, before that little tear could slip down my cheek and tempt me to move my hand to wipe it away, I dove back into the refuge of my Saviour. And when I finally really got out of there, I felt like singing the Hallelujah chorus.

So, how about you? Have you ever felt trapped in circumstances beyond your control? Are you right now? He longs to be your rescuer! "Come near to God and He will come near to you" (James 4:8).

Okay, I'm going to keep sharing if you want to hear more!


  1. I would love to hear more...rachelle you are an amazing person..i long to have faith like yours..

  2. You aren't allowed to even think about stopping NOW...this is great stuff!

  3. I loved standing there around that machine praying for you (in spirit). :) Glad you're out...finally!

  4. I know about that machine. thankful for music I learn to sing to the humming of the machine in my head and heart while laying perfectly still. before being wrapped I would always say ok God you are in control together we can do this.


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