Monday, August 9, 2010

A Matter of Confidence

By sterfersonluizbnx

I remember the very spot I was standing in at home after church when it hit me like a physical blow:  I had a choice to make. I had just been prayed over according to James chapter 5, and a decision loomed before me. 


Choice number one was easy, because it required nothing of me. I could look at my past experiences and disappointments and use those as my guide for how to respond to my illness. I could decide that things don't always work out the way we want them to and that hoping for my present situation to get better was only wishful thinking. Anything else would just take too much energy. And did I mention I didn't have any? Simply walking up the stairs took it all out of me, and I used to run up and down those babies all day long. 

My second choice was to believe God and His Word. I either believe it or I don't, after all. And if I believe it, that means I believe that God does not lie, He does not change, and He is completely trustworthy, because that's what His Word says about Him. If I believe the Bible, that means I believe James 5:14, the verse I mentioned in my last post. It says that the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well.

If you are guessing that I picked choice number 2, you are right.  But I picked it reluctantly. I am sorry to say that, but that's where I was. So many difficult things had happened since we moved to Jefferson City 3 years ago, that I felt beaten down.  I felt wary of choice number 2. Not wary of God, but of my ability to really believe Him. 

And so, reluctant as I felt, I made my choice. I said, "Okay, God. I pick You. I choose what You say. Your Word tells me that the prayer prayed over me this morning will make me well. So I agree with You on this. Today is the day I receive my healing from You." I have tears in my eyes now as I type this, because my tired little prayer was just like a key turning in a lock that opened a door and let a ray of hope shine into my heart. Nothing changed in my body that day or for many days to come. But something changed in my heart. When I made my choice, I was afraid I would not have the strength to follow through. But as soon as I prayed that prayer, He gave me everything I needed when I needed it. He gave me the faith I needed to trust Him and the strength I needed to stick with this choice. I love Him for that.

By Junjun_pei

When I went to bed that night, I had one of those moments when a verse of Scripture just jumps out at you. Those are Holy Spirit moments. The Holy Spirit is the one who teaches and counsels and encourages us. The verse was Hebrews 10:35. "So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised." When I read this verse, it was like an arrow shooting straight into my heart. In fact, I gasped. I realized with sudden clarity that I had been on the verge of throwing away my confidence completely. When we keep our confidence in Him and do not throw it away, we are rewarded! I like rewards. Rewards are good. I went to sleep that night with a smile on my face, telling the Lord that I was confident in Him.  What a relief to not have to be confident in myself, but in Him through me.

Three nights later, after a trip to the ER, God spoke to me again in an amazing way. That's coming next!      


  1. And so I wait with baited breath. (whatever that means) ;)

  2. The line you wrote about not being wary of God, but of your ability to really believe Him, made me think of Mark 9:24 where a young boy's father cries out "I believe; help my unbelief!" It's a great example of how God can grow what already exists in our hearts that doesn't sSEEM like enough, but then there it is...MORE than enough!

  3. I absolutley love this part of your story. I remember talking to you on the phone the next day and you telling me you were resting on the fact that God was in control of your healing. That you were believing it was already done. I was standing in front of my pantry door, I remember it so clearly. I was so very happy for you.


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