Friday, February 11, 2011

Stamp Out Social Awkwardness With Grapes

Raise your hand if you believe social awkwardness is very awkward and should be stamped out. Now put your hand down. I feel your support and I'm ready to stamp. First on my list of social offenders: chocolate covered strawberries.
When I go to a party where chocolate covered strawberries are served, I am faced with decisions. That's not cool. I don't want to have to think so hard about party treats.
How do I eat this thing? Chocolate covered strawberry makers consistently choose the most over-grown strawberries for their chocolate dipping. They give no thought to the comfort of the consumer.
Do I risk shoving the entire fruit in my mouth? The moment I do, someone is sure to ask me about my kids or my take on footy pajamas for adults. Naturally, my reply will be, "Hahdslk sihhsl shsoh wiehrl. Dwoi yeigh?"

So, what about just eating it in bites? Maybe that works for you, but I will have strawberry juice dribbling down my chin, and pieces of chocolate flaking off and landing on my really cute white blouse.
So, it comes down to eating the beast with a knife and fork. But who does that? It's a finger food!

Sadly, it is a finger food that I have forever sworn off eating, except in the privacy of my own home, which I really never do.

Enter the chocolate covered grape, which I discovered one afternoon when grapes and chocolate chips were sitting on my counter in random fashion. They were begging to be joined together in perfect harmony. The taste is surprising. And they are wonderfully easy to eat in excess and with great ease and social gracefulness. Problem solved. So let's make them. Now, this is not a food blog, so let's not call this a food recipe. Let's call it a recipe for success in life. Or at least at weddings and baby showers.

Choose and wash your grapes. I am using green here, but I personally prefer red grapes for this concoction.

Make sure your grapes are thoroughly dry. Not a drop of water, now. A drop of water can ruin melted chocolate.

Melt some chocolate chips in the microwave on low power.

Lay down some waxed paper and have toothpicks on hand.

Drop some grapes into your sea of molten chocolate, and ever so gently fold them in.

Now, with your toothpick, pluck out your victims one by one,

and lay them on your waxed paper. Look at them and sigh, because they are not even close to matching the beauty of a chocolate covered strawberry. Then realize you really don't care about that. You care about social graces.

Stop a minute and consider how you might turn this one into a mouse. Then tell yourself you have more important things to do. Now, suddenly recall that you have white chocolate! Beauty is just around the corner!

Melt the chocolate, put some on a spoon, and FLING! Put your wrist into it! Fling it, baby! Make a mess, and have fun doing it.

What is this?

This is a disgrace to chocolate covered grapes. Eat this one. Immediately.

And this one. Put it out of its misery, stat! Let the rest sit and harden, preparing for their public debut.

Now you are ready for a classy shindig.

Or Valentine's Day, if you celebrate that sort of mushy holiday.

Ladies, are you with me? We must unite to see change. We must be proactive! We must prevent others who do not know better from falling into the strawberry trap. Just remember, when you RSVP to any social event, gather your courage and boldly say, "Thank you kindly for the invitation. I'll be there...and I'll bring the chocolate covered grapes!"

The End.

P.S. Thank you so much for your comments on my last post. It's always nice to know I'm not alone.


  1. Have you tried them in caramel? Or caramel (harden) spread on peanut butter and then dip in chocolate and then rolling them in finely chopped nuts, butterscotch chips and coconut? I have. Great grapes--I mean, brains--must think alike! For Halloween I thought caramel apples are just too big and thought why couldn't a person make gourmet caramel grapes? I love your pictures and the very introspective introduction to your recipe!

  2. hmmmm...I have to ponder this one. But my take is, anything with chocolate on it cannot possibly be bad.

  3. Not entirely sure about the grapes with chocolate thing, but I have to agree with Dee...just about ANYTHING with chocolate...Bottom line is, you had me rolling with laughter, yet again! ANOTHER great blog!!!


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