Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Disappointment With Life, part three: Unfulfilled Dreams


Here is a poem for you:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Writing about disappointments
Is no fun and very disappointing.

So why am doing it?

You don't have to answer that. I was talking to myself. I would rather eat chopped liver than keep writing this depressing tale.

 I feel sorry for chopped liver. Why does it have such a bad reputation? What about unchopped liver? Does it rank any higher on the meat scale? Why does chopping the liver make it so sorry?

Here is a helpful household hint: you know it's time to go to the grocery store when you serve your children bacon, carrot stick, and raisins for lunch.

Here is a wake-up call for you: if your children are excited about bacon, carrot stick, and raisins for lunch, you may be in a lunch rut. You might consider adding some variety to your menu. Just a thought.

Here is a self-awareness tip for you: if you find yourself writing stupid poems that don't rhyme and handing out useless tips, you may be avoiding the topic at hand. 

So, here is a story for you about the topic at hand!

Once upon a time, when I was a little girl, life was different than it is now. Or maybe I am different. I'm not that old, but I do love the old days. Back in the old days, my sister and I used to dress up in our mom's old white prom dress and pretend it was our wedding day. What did we use for a veil, Holly? I think it was a lace tablecloth. 
A few times, our wedding was an outdoor ceremony, and we used the white blossoms off the locust tree for our rice throwing.

I guess every girl dreams of her wedding day, and I was no different. I also dreamed of my life as a grown-up wife. My mom, Linda and our backyard neighbor, Martha were friends who would sometimes get together for a chat. So, Holly and I, being the brilliant children that we were, came up with a game called "Martha and Linda." This was a favorite game in which we hosted one another at our homes for tea, snacks, and chatting about our husbands and children. Perhaps we painted our nails or flipped through magazines while we visited. But we never forgot to cut it short at 4:30. The husbands would be home at precisely 5:15, after all, and a lovely dinner must be waiting on the table.

"Oh, what will I make for dinner tonight, Martha?"

"Oh, anything, honey. Just throw some things in a pot. You know that husband of yours thinks everything you make is divine!"

Ahh...those were the days. 

And then we grew up.

I never chat with my neighbor. I can't remember the last time I painted my nails. And I can't even count how many 5:15's have come and gone with no husband at home to appreciate the lovely things that I throw in my pot. 

Please take note: as I mentioned in my last post, I am NOT disappointed with my husband! He is such a blessing. However, it was not long after we were married that I became disenchanted with our lifestyle, which I felt was quite different than my expectations. I was rudely awakened from my dreams by my husband's alarm clock. He, unlike my dad, has never had an 8 to 5 job. I was unprepared for this rude awakening. I mistakenly began to believe that my husband's job was more important to him than I was. 


Back in the newly married days, I pulled all manner of stunts to get his attention and make sure he knew how unfair my situation was, including crying very loudly and acting very much like a two-year-old. And when we finally had some bona fide toddlers running around, I made sure I loaded all the guilt trips on him that I could. I reasoned that he ought to feel mighty terrible about leaving me alone so much with those little ones. I played a great martyr and even compared myself to single moms at times.

 I'm afraid that all this might make Bob appear less than wonderful and fabulous. I know it doesn't make me look very good. I don't care about that. But I do care about Bob. So, please repeat after me: "It's not Bob, it's the job. It's not Bob, it's the job."

Okay, I feel better. It's not Bob, it's the job. Really. He doesn't like the situation any more than I do.

This December, Bob and I will celebrate 14 years of marriage. And guess what? None of my bawling, whining, pleading, or guilt-tripping has done a single thing to change this situation. In fact, thanks to the Lord I finally saw that my behavior had only made a stressful situation worse. I tried so hard to change Bob when it was me who needed to change.

Have you been there? Do you know what I'm talking about? Maybe your dream is a career that you just can't seem to make happen. Or perhaps you succeeded at it only to discover it wasn't what you thought it would be. Maybe you've dreamed for years of getting married and you are still single. Or perhaps your dreams of having children have been shattered. Maybe you do have children, but being a parent is not what you thought it would be? There are so many dreams and just as many ways they can be broken.

I'm really looking forward to reaching the end of my "disappointments" so I can start sharing with you the things the Lord has taught me and the ways He has brought healing in each of these different areas. That's the good stuff! He gives such great light bulb moments. There are many disappointments in this life, but none that lie beyond the reach of our Saviour. He has a really long arm.

I will leave you with this: "Not one of all the Lord's good promises to the house of Israel failed; every one was fulfilled" Joshua 21:45. Yes, we may be walking around with unfulfilled dreams, but God always fulfills His promises to us! And His dreams for us are bigger and better than our dreams could ever be for ourselves.  

1 comment:

  1. Dear Linda,

    I loved this post in about fourteen different ways. Let me call you and tell you what they are.



avandia recall