Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Disappointment With Life, part four: Loss



"Mommy, open your eyes."
"Oh, hi monkey boy."

"Mommy! You call me monkey boy! I like dat. I do love you so much, sweetie Mommy."

"Mommy, you look really so nice and handsome."

"Mommy, your breath is stinky."

"Can I please have some milk you cutie Mommy? Thank you, sir!"

These are the things I cherish so about Mommyhood. Being loved and called sweetie and cutie far outweigh the brutal honesty about my breath and being a handsome sir.

And this is exactly why loss is so doggone hard. Because having is so good. So sweet. I am blessed with people in my life who love me and who I love so much it makes my heart hurt. The thought of losing any of them is too painful to dwell on for long. But people die. They do everyday. I know how much my own losses have hurt me, so the thought of masses of people losing loved ones every day is almost too much to keep on typing. Every day, so many people are facing the shock, the anger, the sorrow, and the loneliness of the loved one who is here no more.

I have shared in the past about losing my dad and my father-in-law here and here. And I have shared a little about how the Holy Spirit has comforted me. One of the ways He has done that is through the Word. I don't know if this is true for others, but at times I felt that as a Christian, I needed to "get over it" and just be happy that they are in Heaven and that I will see them again someday. And I am happy about that. It's a most comforting and hopeful reality. It's the only way we can make it through this life without giving ourselves over completely to despair.

But this reality does not change the fact that when we lose someone, we miss them and we do grieve! You know, I often consider the first Christians of the New Testament to be "super Christians." But, while they were indeed supernaturally empowered by the Holy Spirit, they were normal people with emotions like us! I have been so moved by one simple verse in the book of Acts. Stephen, a follower of Jesus had been stoned for his faith in Christ. This is a most honorable death, to be martyred for the sake of the Gospel. I imagined that perhaps the other apostles must have rejoiced over the honor that Stephen was receiving in Heaven. But check out chapter 8 verse 2: "Godly men buried Stephen and mourned deeply for him." 

This is not an earth-shattering verse, but it stops me in my tracks for a minute, imagining the scene. These were the movers and shakers of the first century! They considered it all joy to suffer for Jesus. And yet, they were not immune to grief. They were going to miss their friend Stephen very much. The tenderness of the words "mourned deeply" connect me to those men somehow. I have mourned deeply, and knowing that others before me have also mourned deeply makes it just a little bit easier to bear. I am not the only one! And you are not the only one. And you know, it doesn't matter whether the person you lost was in your immediate family or not. If you have lost anyone you love, then you have no doubt mourned deeply. 

After I was blessed with two children, I was excited when once again, those familiar pregnancy symptoms came upon me. Yuck. But yay! Bob and I looked forward to welcoming a third baby into our family. I dreamed about that baby. I imagined a sister for Sara. I so wanted her to have what I have with my own sister. 

When my doctor got a funny look on his face during my ultrasound, I got a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. No. Surely not. There couldn't be something wrong with this baby! But there was, and several days later, I miscarried. And I mourned deeply. I had never met this child, but I loved her! 

I  have compassion on women who have miscarried. Their loss is not especially noted with a funeral or ceremony, but it is a loss nonetheless. I have since had my third baby, and I am so happy with my family! Sometimes, though, I feel like someone is missing. I turn to make sure all my kids are with me, take a quick count, and  subconsciously look for the fourth. I still have dreams about that missing child. 

If you have ever lost a baby, my heart hurts for you. And if you are grieving the loss of a loved one right now, I am praying for the Holy Spirit to comfort you. He knows how you hurt. And He wants to walk through this season with you. 

By the way, just in case my post titles have been misleading, I want to say that I am not disappointed with my life! I love my life and I love my Saviour. I have had disappointments, yes. I have wanted to throw up my hands and just quit the whole thing. But, because of the grace of God, I haven't. I'm still chugging along. More than chugging, in fact. God has been teaching me the principles to overcoming the disappointments of life. They are simple, but they work. You have probably heard them before, but I think they need to be repeated often! 

So, as soon as I finish this disappointment series, I'll be moving on to overcoming! I can't wait. I hope you will come and overcome with me!  


  1. I loved the Ben conversation in the beginning of this. I loved the picture of you at the end. And I loved everything you said in the middle. I'm glad you are writing this blog. I love you.

  2. Thank you for sharing (again) Rachelle! I hurt hearing about your loss, and yet knowing others have walked through some of the same pain that life brings, gives comfort. Loss hurts, bad -- but what a Great God we serve! I also love this picture of you at the end! Can't wait to read your next words...


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